Self- reflection

When I turned 25 years old, I started wearing makeup because I realized that after so many years of being a student, I was soon to become a full blown profession a year later.  Unfortunately without the self- confidence and know-how.  I had to take myself more seriously, present a more mature, self-assured individual that I am expected to be but no where near.  Makeup was a way for me to build my self-confidence but also to bring out the artistic side that I had buried for many years underneath textbooks, note writing and scantron exams.  My face was my canvas.  I fully immersed myself into the art of makeup application -- obsessively watching you tube videos, studying techniques, and the perfect color combinations until my learning curve started to plateau.

Now that I turned 30, I realized I still have much to learn about emotional maturity. For the longest time, I considered myself mature -- experiencing death of a loved one before kindergarten and enduring many hardships and unfortunate mishaps I would not wish on anyone before I even understood arithmatic.  My mother's friends always told me I was thrusted into maturity far too soon.  

I think my mother raised me well and taught me to always be kind.  Over the years, I've learned to make many of my decision based on my core values. But after going through one of the most difficult years of my life -- I didn't come out victorious or happy with myself.  I came out feeling ashamed, defeated and helpless of the person I had become.  I lost my direction, my moral compass, my authenticity and almost didn't recognize myself.  Because I had been surrounded by individuals who did not share my same values, I allowed them to influence my own perception of right vs wrong and started to question my own values.  This was an awakening -- who have I become? A conglomerate of those around me and I felt so uncomfortable and anxious.

Several of my friends recommended I start reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" so with this blog, I will use it for self-reflection and note-taking.

Lesson 1: Don't focus on your sphere of concern, focus your efforts on your sphere of influence ( being nice, being proactive, etc)

Exercise 1: You are at your own funeral, how would you like your family, friends, co-workers and community/neighbor remember you?

I want my family to remember me as someone who is there when they need me the most.  Always wanting what's best for them and taking their interests to heart.  Tried to share with them different experiences and loved each of them dearly and constantly concerned for their well-being. 

With my friends, I'd like them to think of me as someone they can always talk to, to lift their spirits, bring a smile to their face and reflect in life.  A friend who is thoughtful and generous, a good friend who remembers their birthdays every year.

Co-workers - dedicated to patients.

Neighbor - a good neighbor. ( will need more time to think about these last two)